I Am Pretty Sure All Guys Must Have Sucked At Hide And Go Seek

Guys must’ve sucked at hide and go seek, because they can’t find anything unless it is held up within 2 inches of their face.

Have you ever called out to your husband to get you something that you need but you are otherwise occupied and can’t get it yourself?

How many of you then yell out at least 5 different directions on where to find said item?

How many of you then get your husband yelling back to you, “we don’t have it!” or “I don’t see it!”?

How many of you then curse under your breath, put down whatever it is you are doing, go to where they are standing looking blankly into the closet/cabinet/refrigerator and immediately find the item you are looking for?

Because it is sitting right there in front of them.

Oh, well, it might have been partially hidden by something else, but that would have meant MOVING something to find it. Apparently in guydom this is unacceptable.

Sometimes the item is in the cabinet with the label facing the back, or it’s sideways. Since it doesn’t give them a full on view, it is rendered unidentifiable.

This past week, I sliced my finger while cooking dinner (shut UP Dave). I called out to my husband to get me a bandaid. He said, “let me go see if we have any”. 5 minutes go by, there is no sign of him. I wrap my finger up and, exasperated, I go in search of him. He’s walking out of our bathroom shaking his head, “we don’t have any.”

I took his word for it and searched through my travel case to see if I had any extra’s. None.

Then I think to myself- “the last time I saw those bandaids they were slightly obstructed by a bottle of advil. Let me see if they are there.”

I open the medicine cabinet and VOILA! Right there, big blue box. Of course, not only was it partially obstructed, but the label was to the back so the “Band-Aid” label was written slightly smaller than on the front.

I walk out, triumphantly waving the bandaid.

“You are SUCH a guy! You can’t find ANYTHING!”

“What?!  Where were they? I looked everywhere!”

“They were right in the medicine cabinet!”

“Wait, what medicine cabinet?”

“The medicine cabinet in our bathroom.”

“We don’t have a medicine cabinet in our bathroom.”

A look of absolute disbelief must have passed over my face.

I take him back to the bathroom and show him the medicine cabinet, which is a mirrored cabinet on the side wall.

“Oh, I just thought that was a mirror”.

I rest my case.

Have a great crazy day!

 

 

Instead Of Standing There With The Refrigerator Door Open, Try This!

Ever stand there in front of the refrigerator with the door open, hoping that something delicious and already prepared jumps out at you?

And when that doesn’t happen, do you come back 5 minutes later hoping that somehow, magically, the status of the contents of your refrigerator has changed?

Me, too.

There is nothing worse than being hungry for a snack and not quickly finding what you want.

Oh, wait. There IS something worse! Having hungry children standing behind you whining, “but I’m SOOOO HUNGRY!”, “I need a snack right now!”, “why don’t we ever have anything to eat?”, “you never let me eeeeaaaattt!”.

That’s right. Hungry, tired kids need food. Now. Not in 5 minutes. Unless you are partial to maniacal tyrants running around the house shoving slices of bread in their face and sneaking containers of pudding snacks out in the backyard behind a tree. True story.

Sure, you can tell me all about how you set up these perfect meal schedules. 7am breakfast/10am snack/12pm lunch/2pm snack/5pm dinner and they never get anything in between.

Bullshit. Either you are packing their snack full of valium so they are too loopy to ask for a snack right after they finished their snack, or you are telling one big fib.

Kids think they are hungry ALL. THE. TIME.

Of course they are not really hungry all the time, but sometimes they are bored and what do YOU do when you are bored? Have a snack. What- don’t even tell me you have never had a snack when you weren’t hungry, just bored. If so, stop reading right here because you do not need this post to make you feel good.

The rest of you, stay right here and know you are in good company.

I have a schedule for meals, of course I do. However, I also have times where I am trying to fold laundry or go to the bathroom and my kid is telling me for the bazillionth time how hungry she is and not for fruit but for bread and can she puhleeeeeese! have some bread? So before I start tearing my hair out I throw her a dinner roll like she is some sort of begging duck at the duck pond that won’t leave me alone, except this time I am not 2 years old and I didn’t fall in and sit there all wet and pitiful while my mom took pictures and video. Also a true story.

But I am getting off topic.

I THINK what I am trying to say is that in order to have quick, tasty snacks available for your kids you need to prepare. So where else do you go to find a quick, tasty, toddler friendly snack?

Hi Pinterest!

Yes, I know- you all (especially my mom) were thinking I would say I’d be checking out one of my 100,000 cookbooks. But no. I need a quick idea, with pictures. So off to Pinterest I go, confident I will come away with dozens of kid-friendly ideas for snacks that I can whip up and never worry about snack time again!

What I found is that pretty much all snack ideas were the same and that apparently it’s all about the PRESENTATION. Here are the top 5 snack ideas I found on Pinterest:

snacks

1. Put it on a stick.  Cheese, fruit, veggies- just put it on a stick and they will eat it. I’m not saying putting food on a stick isn’t a good idea. Have you ever been to a renaissance festival? They put EVERYTHING on a stick. Turkey legs, corn dogs, ice cream. It’s an idea that works across ages. Except for the small fact that just because it is on a stick is NOT GOING TO TRICK THOSE TYRANTS. They will look at the cute veggie rainbow on a stick and declare it “gross” and start using it as a light saber.

{Kid Friendly} Salad Snack On A Stick - easy, fun, snack and party food that can be made in advance! by Barefeet In The Kitchen

2. Make it look like an animal. Seems like moms of picky eaters will go to extreme measures to get their kids to eat a healthy snack. Turning cucumber slices and tomatoes into caterpillars; turn pears and apples into circus animals. The intricacy of putting these “snacks” together all but ensure that your child will not touch it. Because I have found that the longer a meal takes to make, the less likely your child is to eat it. And I am not going to spend time cutting tiny pieces of olives into the shape of a lambs eyebrow, sorry.

Tones of The Hungry Caterpillar inspired stuff. Including this healthy snack every kids would love.

Creative Kid Snacks:  Thanksgiving Turkey Lunch

3. Put it in a nifty container. This is actually quite quick and easy. Put that healthy snack is a cute, fun container, like a waffle cone, or a cupcake wrapper decorated with their favorite cartoon character! But you know what, they still have carrot sticks inside them that your kid won’t touch.

Healthy Snacks for Kids  Tired of cheese sticks and baby carrots? Here are some creative options for healthy kids snacks

 

4. Cut food into fun shapes with cookie cutters. Butterflies, dolphins, cats, dinosaurs…just cut those zucchini into fun shapes and they will eat them! Wait, no they won’t because you know why? The fun shapes are made out of “gross!!!” zucchini.

These were so cute, fun to make, and actually healthy to eat, too!

Fun shapes AND on a stick!

5. Skip straight to the drinks section. That’s right, I could only take so much looking at fruit intricately arranged in the shape of zoo animals before I started needing a drink. But good lord have you seen all the drink recipes they have?! Now those are worthy of my time! Just throw back one of those while you throw your kid an apple and you’ll be able to drown our your kids starving cries.

Refreshing Watermelon Margarita

 

Guess which one of these recipes is going to get tried first?

Ha! That’s right! Cheers!

*you can click on the pictures for links to the sites for recipes if you are so inclined. 

What are your go to snacks? Have you ever tried any from Pinterest? Would love to see pics!

 

Have a great crazy day!

I Woke Up This Morning And Something Had Changed

I woke up this morning and thought to myself, “How could this be possible? How could this have happened?”

How could things change SO QUICKLY!?

How could this have happened SO FAST?

How could I not have seen this coming? Okay, I saw it coming, but I guess I was in denial it was ACTUALLY going to happen.

No matter how much my heart didn’t want this day to come, my head knows that it is a good day.

A great day.

Mahlie is 5.

That’s right- that little baby with the big blue eyes: 5.

That little chubby girl running around with dog bowls over her head. 5.

The little girl with long blond hair “like Rapunzel”. 5.

She woke up this morning, stretched out her arms and legs and said, “my arms and legs are longer now because I am 5.”

And what a beautiful, amazing 5 she is.

Happy Birthday, my beautiful Sweets.

M 1

First Bday, First Cake

M 2

2nd Bday, still has chubby cheeks

M 3

3rd Bday, sparkle and spunk in those big blue eyes

M 4

4th Bday with her beautiful smile

M 5

And now she is 5, my wonderful Sweets.

 

Keep Them Well Fed, Or Suffer The Consequences

Have you ever seen that Snickers commercial with the tag line, “you’re not you when you’re hungry?”

Well, that is sort of what it is like when little kids are hungry. Except instead of a mild-mannered Betty White, it’s more like the bunny from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

My #1 piece of advice to parents: DO NOT LET THEM GET HUNGRY.

Keep them well fed

 

I have learned this lesson the hard way; meltdown’s and tears and kicking and screaming.

All parents learn pretty quickly when their child’s “witching hour” begins. It is usually in the afternoon, after a long day of play. This is also typically right before dinner, and it is usually accompanied by the war cry of “I’m STARVING! I didn’t eat anything ALL. DAY!”

If your child isn’t speaking yet that translates into kicking and screaming and flinging themselves onto the floor.

I know that in order to prevent the Toddlerpocalypse on the way home, I immediately hand each child a small snack to tide them over until we get home. I then immediately give them a snack upon entering the house. I do not put my bag down, I do not go to the bathroom, no matter how long I have been in traffic, I do not change into my after-work clothes. I am in that kitchen, bag still over my shoulder, keys still in my hand.

This is mandatory in order to keep the peace.

If not, you suffer the consequences.

You know how they tell you not to go to the grocery store when you are hungry? Well, try that with a hungry kid and whoa! boy.

Case in point:

Pi picked the kids up from camp and daycare. He needed to stop at the store on the way home. It was after 5pm. Start of the witching hour. This was mistake #1.

This is what I come home to:

Me, to Mahlie who meets me at the door: “Hi Sweets! How was your day!” noticing she looks awfully disheveled, more so than usual after a full day at camp.

Pi, in the background, in a voice I almost didn’t recognize: “GET BACK INTO YOUR ROOM THIS MINUTE!”

Uh-oh.

Me: “Soooo, everything okay?”

Pi: “It was awful. I’ve never seen anything like it. I had to run into the store and Mahlie was taking things off of the shelves and throwing them into the cart and when I told her we weren’t getting it and to put them back, she was flinging them back onto the shelves, things falling all over the floor, yelling, “if I can’t have them NOBODY can!” THEN, when we are at the check out she is grabbing handfuls of m&m’s and throwing them onto the conveyor belt, screaming how she “needs my m&m’s!” When we get home, I go to get changed (for those of you keeping track, mistake #2). When I come back, she is sitting in the living room with a couple of pieces of bread. I tell her to eat in the kitchen, and notice the loaf of bread is gone. I ask her if the loaf of bread is in her room she looks at me and says, “no” while running back to her room. I walk in and she is trying to hide the bag under her bed and is shoving whole slices of bread into her mouth. It was a mess!”*

*This is how I recall things being told to me and I am pretty sure it is 100% accurate.

Me: “Did she eat her lunch?”

Pi: “Um, I don’t know, I didn’t check. Why?”

Me, looking into her lunch bag and discovering the only thing she had eaten was the pack of goldfish crackers I sent: “She’s starving. She’s a starving child that you took into a grocery store, past the witching hour, and then you go to change first when you get home, leaving her in the kitchen. By herself.”

He has a lot to learn.

*This post was going to end here. But then I asked Pi how this morning went. He then described the following scene:

“Well, when I got out of the shower I went to find Mahlie and she wasn’t in her room. She wasn’t in the kitchen. I noticed the back door was open and I was a bit nervous at first but then I saw her….in the back corner of the yard, behind a tree….with 3 empty containers of pudding next to her.”

Anyone else have a crazy story when their kids reach the breaking point at the witching hour?

 

Have a great crazy day!

 

 

 

I Went Away For The Weekend And Sh*t Looked Like It Hit The Fan. Literally.

This past weekend I went to the beach. By myself. No kids, no husband, no dog.

That’s right- my husband stayed home and held down the fort while I went to the beach to hang out with friends at the 18th Annual Running of the Bull. For those of you thinking, “wow, he stayed home and you went down to spend all day in a bar drinking copious amounts of adult beverages!”, yes. However, there is a moral part of the event, which is that around $85,000 has been raised during this event, with sales of t-shirts and red bandanas, over the years for the local Rehoboth Fire Department. So, I could leave my kids, drink beer, and feel good about supporting our community.

And drink copious amounts of beer. Did I mention that?

This isn’t the first time I have run with the bull in Dewey. It’s like my 18th time. I was there at its inception, the drunken grand idea of several of my beach house friends.Okay, I was around that first year, but didn’t actually partake. But I did partake in the 2nd year and as my friend Andrea said, “just take it Voltzy, take the first year.” So I am.

Anyways, while I was down at the beach for the second consecutive year sans kids for the running, my awesome hubs was home with the kids.

Have you seen that commercial where the mom is skyping with her family, all looks well,  and the husband and kids end the call and you see the disaster behind them?

Well, that didn’t exactly happen. And I had told myself that since my hubs had the kids all weekend allowing me to hang out with friends, I was going to be all appreciative and not mention anything other than positive when I got home.

No matter if books and toys were strewn all over the floor.

Who cares if the laundry didn’t get done.

So what if dishes are still in the dishwasher and they are now eating off paper plates.

It’s okay that there are dog hair tumble weeds meeting me at the door from 3 days of no sweeping.

He had the kids.  I slept in. TWO MORNINGS IN A ROW.

He had to walk the dog. I sat on the beach READING A BOOK.

I had nothing to complain about.

Except….

I walk in the door, all ready to give hugs and kisses and exclaim, “how was everyone’s weekend? I missed you all!”

But instead:

“Is that POOP on the floor? AND THE COUCH???”

That’s right. Before I even got all the way in the room, hadn’t even put my bag down or said hello.

Of course I couldn’t just look at it and decide, I had to actually touch it and smell it, b/c I’m a mom and we do gross things now.

And yes, I was correct.

Pi looks over: “what? huh?”

Sweets: “oh, I think that happened this morning.”

Pi, quickly interjecting: “No, I think I know when that happened and it was just a couple hours ago.”

JUST A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO!?!? Poop has been on the floor and on my couch for A COUPLE OF HOURS???

Really? In my head I am ranting:  “I can’t leave for the weekend for a charity fundraiser (see how things changed here? right?) without shit hitting the fan and landing on my couch and floor?”

In real life I was biting my tongue so hard I could barely eke out, “you better get the fabric spray” before walking into my room and then immediately doing my “I can’t believe this sh*t” angry dance.

Turns out Sarah had ALOT of fruit over the weekend and had many costume changes, to the point Pi just had her hanging out in her diaper. Which doesn’t answer the question: why,  if he knew “a couple of hours ago” that there was a potential poop incident on the couch, would he not check??

Ohmyallthatisgoodlikewine….

Next time I leave, I am going to ask him to do a quick poop check before I come home.

Have you ever gone away and come home to something that made you throw up your hands??

Have a great crazy day!

 

 

 

Link

thevoltz2000:

I’m doing THIS again….

Originally posted on My Special Kind of Crazy:

Okay, I didn’t win the money kind of lottery, but I definitely won the mommy lottery and I am GOING AWAY TO THE BEACH BY MYSELF this weekend!

Okay, there will probably be lots of people at the beach, but I am going with NO kids, NO dog, NO husband. That is right:

A.LONE.

I might read a book.

I might sleep in…wait, “might” doesn’t belong in that sentence.

I might have a few more glasses of wine than typical.

I will eat dinner without having to wait on any pint sized persons.

I will sit on the beach, reading a book, drinking an adult beverage and perhaps will then take a nap. On the beach. Because I don’t have to be all vigilant making sure my pint sized persons are not drowning or otherwise getting in harms way.

I am going to RE-LAX.

Sounds delicious, right?

I am also…

View original 327 more words

I Am Not A Referee

I am not a referee. I am a mom. And I refuse to change that.

What do I mean?

I mean when my daughter comes up yelling, “Sarah keeps taking my toy and not giving it back!” or her cousin comes up yelling, “Mahlie won’t share her seagull feather!”, I am not going to get in between the 2 and help them work things out. Because do you know how many times a day I would need to get up off the couch interrupt my chores to “referee” the disagreements between my kids, their cousins, their friends, the dog…

No. Not doing it.

First, why anyone would be fighting over a disease ridden, beach rat with wings feather is beyond me, so unless they want that thing tossed away, they’ll need to figure things out. On their own.

refferee

Let me tell you how this one played out.

Cousin: “Mahlie won’t share her feather with me!”

Me: “First, that thing is gross. MAH-LIE! Come here with that infected feather!”

I take the feather, put it in the sand next to me. Both girls standing there with scowls on their face, arms crossed, not looking at or talking to each other.

Me: “You are cousins and you love each other. Go and come up with a plan on how you are going to work this out, come back to me and tell me what it is and you’ll get your nasty smelling feather back.”

A few seconds go by and Mahlie comes up.

Mahlie: “My plan is to cover you up and sneak the feather back.”

Me: “You are a sneaky and conniving bitch. Go back and WITH your cousin come to me with your plan.”

A few minutes later her cousin comes up without Mahlie.

Cousin: “My plan is that Mahlie goes and finds another feather.”

Me: “That is not in the spirit of cooperative problem solving I had in mind. Go back and come back TO-GETH-ER with your plan.”

A few minutes later, they are both back and tell me their plan.

Both of them: “We are going to each play with it for a few minutes and share. We’ll take turns.”

Me: “Perfect! Here is your disgusting feather. Enjoy!”

“Could you hold it for us? We’re going in the water!”

Me: “Before you leave: Look at each other.”

They turn and look at each other.

Me: “Say: You are my cousin and I’ll always love you”

They smile and giggle, but they say it.

Me: “Now, hug each other and go play.”

They give each other full body hugs that only little kids enjoy these days and run off, feather totally forgotten.

My point is, they don’t need me. They already KNOW what the right thing to do is, they just need to take a minute and think about it. While that example may have been me refing a little, I didn’t tell them what to do. I didn’t pit them against each other and make them come up with a decision I told them to come up with.

When Sarah has issues with friends or her sister I send her away to figure it out on her own. Unless there is any physical harm being done, I don’t like to intervene. Mommy is not always coming to the rescue.

And honestly, Mommy doesn’t need to. Moms may feel that they need to reach out and solve all the problems, but we don’t need to. They’ll be fine without us. I know that’s not what moms like to hear, but it is true.

Even at 5, kids can work things out themselves.

So sit back, get a glass of wine, and let the kids work it out.

How do you manage kid arguments in your house?

Have a great crazy day!