I am notorious for biting off more than I can chew. Well, not when it comes to guacamole, or shrimp platters, or Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream. But when it comes to planning activities for the kids, errands I want to run, chores I want to finish and projects I want to start….yeah. Waaaaay too much.
On any given weekend, this is a conversation between my husband and I:
Pi: “What are your plans this weekend?”
Me: “Well, I think I’m going to make the kids a special pancake breakfast, then we’re going to head over to the farmers market, then we’ll hit up the library and the playground on the way home. After a ridiculously complicated and filled-with-foods-they -won’t-eat lunch, we’re going to hit up pinterest and do all those fun “make your own play dough” recipes I’ve been saving…ooooh, the one with lavender essential oils sounds nice! Then we’re going to bake some bread to have with dinner and while we do that I’m going to get all of the girls’ spring clothes out of the attic and dust as I go. Since we’ll still have so much time left, I thought we could have a family game of Twister while taking the dog for a walk….blahblahblah (list like 5 more activities/chores here)”
I am ALWAYS dumbfounded that I didn’t get everything done. I usually never even made it past activity number one, which was BREAKFAST. Because making a special breakfast when the kids are actually there takes until lunchtime.
In my head I’ve got it DOWN. In reality I’m going down, in flames. With kids running after me.
I always want to do as much as possible with my kids on the weekends because I’ve got SO MUCH I want to do with them while they are at a fun age for doing all the things that I can’t justify doing on my own.
Honestly, I LOVE this age. I love seeing my kids discover things for the first time, seeing their reactions, watching them explore and learn and laugh. I WANT to go out and see and do and BE with my kids. And since the weekend is primarily the time I get to spend real quality time with them, I just want to DO IT ALL.
So I have lofty ambitions.
I’m sure you’ve noticed (quite presumptive of me, I know) my absence on the blog for the past week-ish, maybe 2, possibly 3. My absence has also been noticed at home. While most of the time I am quite good at the whole work/home life balance, there are times when one trumps the other, and this past month work has been a priority.
Well, don’t get me wrong, my kids will always be the priority, but if they want me to buy the bazillions of My Little Ponies then I need to work. And sometimes that means spending a lot of time at work and not as much time at home.
My guilt is like that little pebble in your shoe. You feel it, you know it is there, you take off your shoe and shake it out and then you put your shoe back on and…
there is that damn pebble.
No matter how many times I tell myself “you are a good mom, you are a good employee” I always have a bit of guilt that I’m not putting my all into either.
When I stay home because a kid is sick or they have yet ANOTHER snow day, I am sneaking peaks at email to keep up to date.
When I am at work, I look at the silly, smiling faces I have as my screen saver.
Whenever I am with one, I am still thinking of the other.
My balancing act often feels more like a Jenga-style game that could collapse with just the wrong move. Nothing intentional, trying my best, but no matter what I do things are going to fall apart around me.
This is all a work in progress. I am always working on carving out more time with my kids, but sometimes the time I want to give them just isn’t possible. So instead I focus on making the time I have count.
Tomorrow the snow is coming. Again. This time it looks like we will ALL be home. While I shouldn’t WANT my kids to be out of school and I know I don’t WANT to try and figure out how to make up another day on my school’s calendar.
But I will be pretty darn happy to snuggle up with my kids and watch Despicable Me.
Just hope they don’t see me checking my email….
How do you manage your home and work lives?
Have a great crazy day!