This past weekend my husband was out of town and I had the girls and 2 full days of “what the hell am I going to do?” ahead of me.
My one goal was to wear them out. I planned a packed weekend that ideally would have them crashed out and leaving me alone with my glass of wine at a decent hour. A girl can have goals, y’all.
Saturday was already filled with Mahlie’s track event, and since that involved lots of running, the exercise piece was already taken care of. Afterwards it was to the park to get the little one tuckered. On Sunday it was up and out bright and early, first to a park we’d never been to before, then to lunch at a popular restaurant, the bookstore, the garden store….whoo.
I can guarantee at least one of us was totally exhausted. We had a great weekend, spent a lot of time together, had fun, only a few tantrums, but man.
It wasn’t just the moving around and being busy and being physically tired.
I was constantly looking around.
Looking around at all the people.
And looking for the exit routes.
I’ve taken to planning my “escape route” when I am out in busy areas. The mall, for sure. Restaurants, yep. You’d think a park with so many young kids….but then there was the concert in Manchester yesterday.
I am constantly looking around. For my way out.
It’s exhausting and sad and scary, and I wish I could tell myself “oh, don’t worry, it won’t happen to us here” but that is what I am sure everyone says until it does happen to them there.
I wish I could enjoy my outings with my kids without the morbid voice in the back of my head guiding me to look for the closest exit in case a person comes in to do the unimaginable.
I’m not going to stop giving my kids freedom to run around in their neighborhood. I’m not going to stop taking them out and sharing in new experiences. I’m not going to wrap them in bubble wrap and put them away for safe keeping until it’s safe to come out….because when will that be?
So, I’ll continue my being vigilant with my escape route plans. But I’ll be out there. Looking around.
Prayers and thoughts are going out to all the families that lost loved ones or who experienced the traumatizing events of yesterday’s attack in Manchester.