Every once in a while you have a night that disrupts normal routine, kicking up the dust and sending you into a free for all, trying to get your routine back to normal. We had one such night recently, and it took quite a while for the dust to settle. Now we are tiptoeing around, trying not to set off any further disruptions.
Because I got “the question”. The kind of question that once asked, even after the answering is over, it plays out in your mind, you discuss it with your spouse, you wait for any additional questions, you wonder if you answered correctly or TOO correctly. The dust storm is really in your head, and even when everyone else seems satisfied, you are left with a big fat mess in your head. You google it. You call your best friends, “what would you do!?!?”
You pour more wine.
I’ve been preparing for “the question” for a while now. “Experts” say that between the ages of 6-8yo is when you can expect it. Though to be honest, you never expect it. Because “the question” is never asked in a situation that has you prepared. AT. ALL. You’ll just be hanging out in the kitchen, watching the baseball game, kids are coloring quietly at the art table, you pour yourself a glass of wine….though if you had known what was coming, you would have made it a MUCH bigger glass….your daughter, who looks so innocent and was just 5 seconds ago was coloring in a picture of a tree….nothing to account for what came next.
“So mommy, where do babies come from, anyways? I mean, I know they grow in your belly, but how do they get there in the first place?”
WHAT? We were watching BASEBALL! You were COLORING! There were no viagra commercials on in the background, no topic of conversation taking place between my husband and I that would all give us pause and think “uh-oh, here comes “the question”!”
I look over at my husband and he is all of a sudden completely enthralled with whatever is on his phone and will not make eye contact. I’m on my own. They always say, don’t give them any more information than what they have asked for. Got it.
So I tell her that in Mommy’s body there is an egg and in Daddy’s body there is a seed, and when they get together, a baby starts to grow. PleasePleasePleasePlease let this be enough information.
“But how do they both get in your belly?”
Now such luck. Crap.
I took a deep breath and a huge gulp of wine.
In all honesty, I knew EXACTLY what I was going to say, because I practiced. That’s right, practiced. In the car, in the shower, to myself in the mirror. I practiced. Because I knew if I didn’t have a response ready, I’d say something utterly preposterous and make things way more confusing. From the beginning, I have answered her questions about babies with just the information she’s asked for, and not any more than that. I’ve told her the truth, used proper terminology. My biggest concern was that i would start to laugh, which is my go to coping mechanism when I am anxious or in a situation that is fraught with danger. Not the best of responses, I know. Because once I start laughing, I can’t stop. And I didn’t want her to think I wasn’t taking her question seriously.
I talked slow. Took some deep breaths and gulps of wine when I found myself about to lose it. I looked at her the whole time, trying to gauge her reaction. She was pretty intense looking.
When I was done, I asked if she had any other questions. I was hopeful that my answer would be sufficient, because I wasn’t really prepared to expand.
I then saw my husband look up, almost begging with his eyes that she would have no questions.
“So wait. You did this, like, TWICE?”
That was about all I could take. My husband and I both burst out laughing. Mahlie was just looking at me quizzically. She seemed to not understand why that was so funny because she was so serious. I composed myself and just simply said, “yes”.
And then, Mahlie looks at her daddy, looks back at me and says:
“Well, you should have only done it once, because Sarah kind of messes up everything.”
Thankfully, there were no further questions.
Have a great crazy day!