Take A Hike!

HuntleyMeadows4We are a hiking family.

Well, we ASPIRE to be a hiking family. At this moment in time, we are functioning at FLAT TERRAIN level of difficulty. Not just flat, but smooth, preferably paved or boardwalked (pretty certain that is not an adjective, but for today it is).

If possible, a scattering of benches for a brief respite would be preferable.

HuntleyMeadows2It would be unthinkable if we asked the little ones to hoof it for more than 100 yards without a break for their delicate feet and knees. What with tackling all that FLAT TERRAIN.

Sometimes mother nature obliges with a fallen tree.

HuntleyMeadows3And we get bored with just trees. So the hike should include some exciting sights, like geese. And squirrels. Nothing like a wild squirrel to get kids excited. Doesn’t matter that they have 50 bazillion in their backyard ravaging the birdfeeders and excavating my carefully planted green bean seeds. They are squirrels…IN THE WILD.

HuntleyMeadows5When all those things are present, our hikes go very well.

When any of those things are missing, the potential for disaster is at level “I BETTER HAVE SOMETHING GOOD IN MY BAG TO BRIBE THEM WITH OR I”LL NEED TO CARRY THEM ON MY SHOULDERS FOR 2 MILES”.

They say a rule of thumb is 1/2 mile per year of life. For my 3 1/2 year old, i can only assume she translates that to 1/2 mile per year. So, for the first hike of the weekend, everything went fine.

For the second hike of the weekend, not so much. There seemed to be some miscommunication as to her desire to go on said hike. Such as, she told my husband she didn’t want to go who then did not tell me that. She just thought we were going on a car ride with her cousins. The ride over to the park where the trail was was GREAT. It was the 50 yards into the hike where things fell apart. At that time there was a major disruption of nature while my cute patoot expressed how much she did NOT want to be on a hike. She needed to pee. She needed a snack. She needed to be anywhere then on that FLAT TERRAIN trail on that hike.

I naively tried to get her to catch up with our crew, who were now nowhere in sight. Then I realized all I was doing was increasing the distance I would need to carry her back to the car because this epic meltdown was not going to be soothed by CONTINUING TO HIKE.

We turn around, get to the car, and now she is grabbing herself, doing the pee dance, and yelling, “MY UNDERWEAR IS GOING TO GET WET!!!!”

I noted that there was a port-a-potty at the top of the parking lot. For a diva like my lil pancake, where the slightest hint that someone used the potty before her would send her running, this was not looking good. I get in and told her, “DO NOT LOOK” and just held her over the toilet. But too late, she was already yelling, “WHAT IS THAT STUFF???!!!”

We get out quick and I sent my husband an SOS emergency extraction text, telling him to come pick us up. His response:

“Seriously?”

It was not the, “Okay honey, I’m leaving immediately to come rescue you” I was looking for. My response to HIS response:

“Fine. We’re walking.”

Given I immediately got a, “i’m on my way” back, i can only assume that my mood was sensed through the phone.

So, what is the lesson in all this?

Give the little one up for adoption.

KIDDING. mostly.

Have a great crazy day!

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