It’s Been A Long Time

It's been a long timeIt’s been a long time. Too long. I’m not sure what I was waiting for- permission maybe?

But from who?

And then it hit me. Maybe I was waiting to give myself permission, because certainly my husband is all, “oh my gosh, of course, why wouldn’t you?” But then again, he’s my husband and he’s supposed to say nice things like that.

It’s been such a long time that most of my friends only remember back to a time when I did allow myself to do this. They are all, “what, you stopped?”

My mom would be all, “who cares!” My dad would be all, “would anyone notice?”

And I’m certainly not going to listen to my kids.

“Ewwww, mom! So embarrassing!”

I turn around, as I see Sweets is watching me as I try it on.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“No, you can’t! Your belly! I can see it!!”

“Well, of course, because it’s a bikini.”

That’s right. A bikini. I wore a bikini for the first time in over 5 years.

Then SJ walks in.

“Mommy wear underwear to pool?”

My kids have never seen me in anything other than a one piece or tank-ini, that made for mom bathing suit.

And mostly then I’d have on a cover up unless I was safely in the water.

I decided it was time. I’m not sure what I was waiting for, because I certainly don’t care what other people think. I’m way beyond that.

Or am I? Why else wouldn’t I wear a bikini to the beach/pool if I didn’t?

Given my history, eating disorders, wacky body image ideations…it’s not surprising. But I WAS surprised because I’ve come such a long way that I’ve not really thought it would be a problem.

Now that I have kids, I am bound and determined to give them a role model, someone that focuses on health and fitness, not weight and pant size.

I want my kids to feel good in their own skin. I want them to feel comfortable in their own skin. I want them to be healthy and treat their bodies with the respect it deserves, because they are beautiful. I don’t want my reservations to make them think they should feel in any way ashamed of how they look.

And of course they don’t, because they are 5 and 2 and all they can focus on right now is that there is a SNACK SHACK at the pool and they get to have a TREAT.

But first, back to the bikini situation.

Sweets: “Mom. You look like you have zebra boobs.” It is a black and white striped bikini.

SJ: “boobies? you wear bra?”

“No, it is a bikini and I am wearing it and I think it looks great.” Gosh, how long has it been since I said that?

It’s been a long time.

Have a great crazy day!


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