Everyone knows there is “personal/private” behavior and then there is “public/in view of lots of people” behavior, right?
Well, seemingly NOT everyone knows this, so I am just going to give an itty, bitty lesson on what is okay to do at home, in your living room and what is okay to do in public, say like in the waiting room of your child’s doctor.
1. In Private: Feel free to adjust your bra strap and stick your hand down your yoga pants to itch that scratch. However, when in public you should probably head off to the restroom to adjust yourself in private, so as that you don’t, um, show us your private.
2. In Private: Make yourself comfortable, get cozy. But when in public, do not use a waiting room bench as your sofa and a stuffed bear as your pillow and lounge out like you are on vacation. Besides, that stuffed bear is full of all kinds of petri dish germs.
3. In Private: don your comfy flip-flops, slippers or go barefoot. Your feet need to breathe! But when in public, do not take off your shoes and use the armrest of a public bench as your personal foot massager because you will make patrons puke a little.
4. In Private: carry on whatever conversation you want on your cell phone but when in public, especially in an area, say like the waiting room of your child’s doctor where there are signs everywhere saying NO CELLULAR PHONES IN WAIT ROOM, unless you are calling your spouse because your child needs to be rushed to the ER, in which case I would ignore those signs, too, do not use your cell phone to call all your friends to make sure they got the invitation to your birthday party.
5. In Private: pick your nails, get the lint out of your belly button, pick your nose if you want! But when in public, do not, and I stress, DO NOT scratch your head and then inspect what is under your nails and FLICK IT OFF ONTO THE FLOOR because you will cause patrons to exclaim “OH MY GOD!” so loudly that it startles the sick child in their lap and now she is crying uncontrollably.
Hypothetically speaking, of course. Now, excuse me while I go wash my hands because just writing about this makes me feel gross.
Have a great crazy day!