How Kids Make Great Realtors

We’re looking for a house. Yes, god save me, we’re starting the process of moving.

We’ve been getting squeezed out of our current 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom townhouse since Sweets was born with her accompanying Toys R Us warehouse full of stuff.

Since Noggin came along, we’ve been trying to make use of every inch of our space. Which means every single one of mine and Pi’s belongings are now in a storage unit across town.

We’ve bought bookshelves and cabinets to store all the kids stuff, and now those bookshelves and cabinets have stuff hanging on top of them and off their corners.

My closet, a semi walk in closet, is in the kids room. You know what that means? When I get up really early for work, I have to tiptoe into their room and get my clothes without waking them up. Do you know how often that works? HAHAHA. Trick question. It NEVER works.

So now we are looking for houses. Let me just tell you, all of those dream houses I pin on Pinterest? Yeah. Houses like those are not even in the universe of our house budget. Our “must haves” list has dwindled to “a roof” and “a toilet that flushes”. Everything else is pretty much negotiable. And for that we need a realtor.(And to my actual realtor that reads this blog, don’t worry- you are still our realtor and everything I am writing from here on out is just for fun. Seriously.)

We’ve decided to cut costs though and just use our kids. You know why? After a weekend of going to look at houses we’ve realized that kids make the BEST realtors!  Here’s why.


1. They point out (obvious) shortcomings.

Kids don’t have filters, ever notice that? While we may teach and coach them to be on their best behavior out in public, they don’t realize that telling the truth in some situations isn’t the most “polite” option. Or, at least shouldn’t be said within earshot of those that are say, trying to sell the house. For example, the on-line description of the house boasts of “brand new kitchen cabinets” and while that may have been true, you wouldn’t necessarily point out the shoddy workmanship by yelling, “mommy, this cabinet handle came right off when I opened it!” I quickly escorted the kiddo’s out of the kitchen before the crumbed up the joint further and into the master bedroom. Sweets yells out, “oh mommy, this bathroom is so cute and small, it’s just the right size for me!”

On to the next house….

2. They give you an honest opinion.

“This house is so good I want to eat it up!” vs. “This house doesn’t seem so tasty, mommy.” I’m not so sure where this comparison was coming from, but it fit for both houses. In one house the upstairs bedroom had a slanted ceiling, making it a pretty useless room for anyone over 3 feet. “Mommy, we cannot live here because I would be bumping my head all the time and would end up in the hospital with stitches in my head.”

Note taken. We don’t want regular ER visits, so on to the next house….

3. They really “test things out”.

From jumping on couches and beds exclaiming, “oh, these are sooo nice and cozy” (and then me explaining the beds and couches would not come with the house) to opening all the doors to cabinets and closets and climbing into bathtubs to see if she “fit”, Sweets left no inch of house untouched. Possibly to the REAL relator’s dismay….

4. They find potential dangers.

Kids are great for finding things that are unsafe to be around and/or play with. Pointy corners, electrical outlets, too steep steps, broken handrails. Just put the 1 year old down and let her walk around for a bit and danger spots are exposed in .2 seconds flat.

On to the next house…(before there are casualties!).

5. They tell you when it’s time to go home and process what you’ve seen, write out pro’s and con’s, and revisit your “must have’s” and “can live without” list.

Okay, they don’t actually SAY this, but the screaming bloody murder from being in a car seat for a couple hours and constant whining “I’m huuuuungry….I’m booored….I’m really, really, really huuuuungry” is a loose translation.

Ever been house hunting with kids? I’ll keep you updated!

Have a great crazy day!


8 thoughts on “How Kids Make Great Realtors

  1. While looking for our first house in Bethesda one Sunday I took you & Billy by myself BIG MISTAKE It would have been in 1973 Aunt Kathy

    • Where in the world was my mother? I could have warned you about taking the 2 of us anywhere…you’d have thought the incident of my feeding Billy rose petals and your thinking he was coughing up blood would have been a tip to you that we were not fit to be out in public yet….

  2. All True!!! With kids, the time you can look at properties is limited to 2 hours and you need granola bars and juice boxes and a good kid soundtrack! My kids fave are, “My Dad says take a walk around the block”, “Kitty Fight”, and “Did you see where the cat threw up”. In fact, I believe I will bequeath a copy of this said soundtrack. 😉 Because there is never enough craziness!

  3. When I was young and we were looking for houses, I liked the ones that were empty and I could do cartwheels in the living room. Really that is all I cared about!

    Good luck looking!!!!!!

    • Sweets told me that she liked the house with “the tiny kitchen” but when I told her it was too small for me she said, “oh, okay mommy, we can get the big kitchen for you.”
      As if she has final say!

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