Where Did These Come From and What Do I Do With Them??

This is one of my favorite pictures of the weekend:

Bathing beauties, right?

Bathing beauties, right?

But this was BEFORE I cropped it in Instagram. When I first saw it my eyes almost popped out of my head….I did a double take….and when I showed it to my mom her eyes widened and she just gave a surprised, “OH!”

Here is the BEFORE picture:

The OTHER bathing beauties...though that may not be the right words...

The OTHER bathing beauties…

For those of you that don’t know me….I NEVER had boobs. NEVER. It was a source of constant entertainment at the dinner table and was discussed with way too much frequency.

The Optimist (my brother):”Dude, your chest looks like a dudes.”

Me: “Dad! Tell him to stop!”

Dad: “Optimist, stop confirming that your sisters chest looks like a dudes.”

That may not have been the exact conversation, but pretty close. One time I left the top of my bathing suit at home during a school beach trip. A friend was coming down the next day and I asked her to pick up the bikini top for me. My dad left it in the mailbox with a note that said, “Do you think anyone will really notice if she doesn’t wear it?”

That’s right. My DAD left that note.

My mom has always been well endowed. So was my Granny. And my Nana on my Dad’s side wasn’t so lacking in the cleavage department. I seemed to be missing the big boob gene.

I, however, was not all that sad about my A cup sized girls. I was a runner and running with big boobs takes heavy duty uber sports bras. I could practically run braless. I could sleep comfortably on my stomach. If I wore a shirt with no back, a halter top, strapless- I could just forgo the bra altogether rather than look for some wack-o strapless halter top strappy bra thing.

I was fine with it.

And then over the years, things changed. I’m not so sure when I noticed that I wasn’t fitting into my bras as well anymore or that I had to get a larger size shirt than typical.

Finally I went with my mom to Nordstrom’s to get fitted for a new bra, after watching an episode of Oprah where they talked about how most women were wearing the wrong size bra, and would you look at that.


What the what?

I had ALWAYS fit soundly in at most a B cup. Okay, maybe a C on a good day. But a D??? My mom was as astounded as I was. And this may be odd, but the first person I called was my dad.

Me: “HA! No more flat chest jokes!”

Dad: “Well, I was wondering how you got so many beads at Mardi Gras.”

And This was all before I had kids, so getting pregnant was not a factor. I don’t know, maybe the boob making department of my development took a nap all through puberty and woke up when I was an adult and said, “Damn! We forgot to inflate!” Well, they more than made up for it.

At my High School reunion someone asked me, “Where did you get these? You never had these in High School!”

All I know is that after kids they just went crazy. One is way bigger than the other, I call her Godzilla. When I got pregnant it was just ridiculous. I had no idea what to do with them. My husband knew what he wanted to do with them, but his suggestions were quickly shot down.

All of a sudden I need to get those crazy uber supportive bras. I can’t sleep on my stomach. I have the “boob gap”. You know, when you wear a button down shirt and that button that is right between your boobs stretches making the shirt gap open above and below it?  Boob gap. I can’t go braless when I wear strapless…hell I can’t wear strapless. I’ll be too nervous the ladies will make an unannouned appearance.

Sigh. Even after years of having these larger ladies, I still wake up and wonder where in the world they came from. My husband STILL says he has some ideas….

Have a great crazy day!


15 thoughts on “Where Did These Come From and What Do I Do With Them??

  1. LMAO! You definitely made up for lost time. You definitely have “girls” now and then some. No more “you look like a dude” or “your body is just like dad’s”. You are “officially” a “wah-men”.

    • Yep, no more “you take after dad”. Though I am sure The Optimist will find other ways to make fun of me now…

    • Thanks! Those Dose Girls are good sharers! Glad you enjoyed…I’d give my dad the compliment but then I’d never hear the end of it!

  2. hahahahaha that is hilarious. Welcome to our family’s CURSE. Normal-sized women think the grass is always greener, nothing but a hassle! I haven’t worn strapless, or a button-up shirt (other than while nursing) for decades! Then AFTER nursing, they looked a little uh, deflated. I would like to have a boy-looking chest! At least I could sleep on my stomach 🙂

  3. What a fun post!! I don’t like boob gap at all. Annoying. One time when I was in sales though I made a really big sale & I swear it is because my blouse opened up there in the boob gap zone and I didn’t notice until after my appointment. I was so embarrassed buy happy I got the sale!

    Visiting from SITSSharefest….happy weekend!

  4. WOW! From someone who has been in the “D” category since I was 16, I can appreciate your admiration and gratefulness and also the pain in the “BUTT” it is to find close that fit well on top, while you also have to make adjustments for your bottom. I never buy things that come together as a set. The top will fit, but the bottom will be to big. And I HATE that boob gap you’re talking about. It makes it very difficult to wear button down shirts. I tend to lean toward no buttons. I adored your discussion with your father. Thanks for posting. Have a blessed day.

  5. Pingback: Happy Anniversary To My Crazy Little Blog! | My Special Kind of Crazy

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