If I Had a Million Dollars….I Wouldn’t Spend it on a Birthday Party

You know the Barenaked Ladies song “If I Had A Million Dollars”? If not, for shame. If so, it lists a bunch of ridiculous things one would buy if they had a million dollars including, and my fav, a monkey (I always wanted a monkey).

One thing I would NOT do is spend it on a birthday party for my kids. Not even a little bit of it.

One, I am only organized enough to begin planning and preparing a themed Birthday Party in my head. When it comes to carrying out said plans, it’s like 2 days before Sweets’ birthday and by then I am all “let’s get pizza and cupcakes and be done with it”.

And you know what? Sweets loves it. Has a great time! No complaints! Imagine that! Kids just want to hang out with their friends, family and eat a little cake. Okay, a LOT of cake.

When it comes to kids’ birthday’s I am astounded the amount of time, effort and I am sure money is poured into bday parties! There are theme parties and destination parties and close down your street and have a block party parties. Whoa. For a PRESCHOOLER?? They have fun playing in DIRT! Dig a hole, fill it with water and make a party out of it! They’d have a blast!

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE birthday’s, especially my own. I make a month out of it. But all the hype that now comes with kids’ birthday parties? No thank you. Sweets’ birthday is coming up and soon and I haven’t started doing a darn thing I am busy making plans.

Here are my top  beefs with Kids’ Birthday Parties.

first birthday cry

1. The over the top decorating.  I got the newest Chasing Fireflies catalog that was dedicated to birthdays I realized that the market for huge kid bday parties is just out of hand! And there is no way  to compete with the images in this mag. Take a look.

Princess Party

Princess Party

Olivia Party

Olivia Party

These were the decorations at Sweets’ 3rd Birthday:

Only thing decorated here is Sweets.

Only thing decorated here is Sweets.

Well, I tried to find a picture of the decorations except there were none. No balloons, no streamers…I think perhaps there were cupcake decorated napkins. And the look on her face tells you exactly how she felt not having it look like a birthday catalog threw up all over the party:

Clearly upset at the lack of decorations

Clearly upset at the lack of decorations

2. Who to invite. Apparently now you are not allowed to invite a couple kids aka “friends” from your child’s class to her birthday party. You must invite the ENTIRE class. That is so you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. SERIOUSLY? This is like the “everybody gets a trophy” kind of thing with sports (Which I am against, people- nothing wrong with a little competition!). It is OKAY to not be friends with everyone. It is okay to not want to invite someone you are not friends with to your party. If you are the parent of a child that didn’t get an invitation to a birthday party, you teach them that not everybody gets invited to everything. It’s okay. And honestly, I don’t want my daughter to get invitations to birthday parties from all her classmates because that will be a BUTTLOAD of plans on many weekends, some probably on the same day. What a logistical nightmare! Sweets is turning 4- after her 2 cousins she gets to invite 4 friends. And she is OKAY WITH THAT. I know some people like to invite as many kids as possible for….

3. The presents. Have you seen my house? Read  this and come on back. I do not have room for more stuff….more stuff that will be put away and forgotten about until 1 hour after I have throw it away months from now. All she has asked for is a balloon. She asks for a balloon every birthday and for some reason I’ve never gotten her one. What is my problem?

And for anyone thinking of buying Sweets anything with millions of small pieces (you know who you are…) or that makes noise reconsider. My sanity is at stake. When I say “no gifts please” on the invitation I really do mean it. I break the no gift rule on a pretty frequent basis, so if you really feel inclined, please make it a cupcake. A Cupcake. hint hint.

Cupcake

of the sauvignon blanc flavor

4. The destinations. What ever happened to the good ole days of throwing a backyard bash with a piñata, some cake and a couple games of pin the tail on the donkey? Why do we need to go to Moonbounce world (where you need to sign a waiver, fyi. Yes, please come to my bday party but if you hurt yourself,sorry! Not on me!) or Germ o’ Rama video game land and stuff? And for girls…the spa treatments…really? Mani’s and Pedi’s and facials and massages? And then a tea party? OMG, mini-bridezillas! Sweets will be having her birthday party at the local spray park. For the 3rd year in a row. Hey, it has water, she’ll have cake, it’s free…we’ll ALL be happy!

5. Catering to adults. I am not sure when kid birthday parties turned into kids and their parents parties. I remember my mom dropping me off, laughing maniacally as she sprinted back to the car, and picking me up a few hours later, looking much refreshed with a fresh hairdo and manicure. I mean, moms LIVED for other kids’ birthday parties because it meant an afternoon alone! Now it’s “holy crap I have to go to 3 birthday parties!”. Now, as the parent you now have to buy booze (and my friends can DRINK buddy. Because they all have kids), but you also have built in kid watchers. But should it be required?

Please, let me know your thoughts on kids birthday parties (before I send out these invitations!).

Have a great crazy day!

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7 thoughts on “If I Had a Million Dollars….I Wouldn’t Spend it on a Birthday Party

  1. Well I’m sure I don’t know what you mean! Murray Ellis (as the lady at the doctor’s office calls her) will be turning one this month and we’ve hired a limo to take us to the airport where we’ll be flying to Paris for the weekend. The limo will be driven by Buttons the Clown who once made an appearance in my classroom so I know that he knows how to not only do magic tricks, but he can also make balloon swords. What a great idea! I’ve tried to schedule a long forgotten about 80s band to meet us at the airport, but I fear this might just be a pipe dream…

    Anyway, we’ll be blowing our girl’s college fund on her 1st… because after all… she’s worth it!

    • Well Murrah Ellis’ momma is one crazy woman, so this does not surprise me in the least.
      What time will Buttons the Clown be picking me up?

  2. Don’t get me started- David has been to (and been invited to) a ton of very awesome birthday parties this year but these have set the bar pretty high! They are all a lot of fun, but I just can’t imagine spending the money! His 3 year old bday is coming up- I guess we will see if I cave and go big or stay small:)

  3. Perhaps my writing wasn’t so clear (shocker!). Going to destinations is not a bad thing (Sweets loves Chuck E cheese and that is like my living hell), decorating is totally fine (though c’mon- those pics look like some one upchucked a princess all over the place), and having a bazillion people to celebrate is totally fine (but I don’t think schools should have “policies” that you cannot bring invitations to school unless you invite the class of 30). It is more the expectations are set so high that your lazy, disorganized, last minute planners don’t stand a chance. The backyard bash has gone the way of rotary phones and dial up internet. Those of you that can plan, have at it and have a blast.
    But I still believe in the ancient tradition of a few kids, a few balloons, pizza and cake in the backyard. But a chocolate fountain fit for 100 is a pretty awesome thing, too.

  4. Reblogged this on My Special Kind of Crazy and commented:

    This is my most viewed and popular post since I’ve started my blog. I guess it resonated with moms and dads everywhere when planning bday parties! My sis-in-law planned a great petting zoo party this weekend and she dreaded it but it was great. And now it is that time of year when I plan Mahlie’s bday. This year it is a 6 guest limit (her age) My Little Pony piñata party at home. We may throw in a sprinkler on the front lawn. There will be beer butt chicken (her request) and baked mac n cheese (my thought that not all kids will take to the chicken). But what won’t I do? Any of the below…

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