Being A Mom, Apparently, Is No Joke.

I am pretty peeved right about now.  For anyone that knows me and is reading this blog, you know that my posts are tongue in cheek, focus on the absurdity of being a parent and focus on the crazy things my kids do that drive me up a wall and have me begging for Cupcakes.

This doesn’ t mean I am an alcoholic. This doesn’t mean I am going to allow my kids to drink underage. This doesn’t mean I want to harm my kids. This doesn’t mean I am not a great parent and don’t love my kids.

What it means is I have decided to share my stories with a sense of humor. To share the craziness that makes up my daily life. Some is exaggerated. Some, unfortunately (or fortunately because this would then be a boring and fictitious blog), is not.

I am certainly not the first, and most definitely not the only, mommy that has a blog chronicling my life as mom with a humorous twist.  I am among thousands of moms out there that have decided to share their funniest mommy moments and admit that being a parent is sometimes painfully frustrating. We call our kids maniacs and beasts because sometimes, well, they can be.

And for that, some of the biggest humor mommy bloggers out there such as Jill Smokler from Scary Mommy and Nicole Knepper from Moms Who Drink And Swear, are getting lambasted by Michelle Weldon. Read the article here when she states their parenting style is “on the edge of being high risk”. She pretty much says they are one step away from being Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest.

What. The. Fuck.

Excuse my language. I am sure my kids will grow up, google this post and need therapy over my use of foul language. But it is the way I talk when I am all kinds of fired up. So deal with it.

Weldon goes on to say this about what she calls the “moms gone wild”;

“…can say with a great deal of conviction (the pun is intended) that the “cool” moms usually end up with “cool” kids who tend to get arrested for underage drinking and worse. And it is you who bails them out and goes to the court appearances, pays for the attorney, tries to unravel the mess and get it expunged from their records. And they cannot get college financial aid if they have an arrest record. If the party is at your house? In Illinois, where I live, you get a “Class 1 Misdemeanor” and a $500 fine. If someone dies as a result of drinking at your house? It is a “Class 4 felony”. 

So, let me see. Because one talks about how their kids drive them to guzzle wine in their HUMOR blog, you are taking it at face value and thinking to yourself “that mom is an alcoholic! They are most definitely going to allow their kids to drink at home! They probably get in the car after driving! I am calling Child Protective Services!”

When I read these types of blog posts I think to myself- if that mom is like me they are asleep after the 2nd glass of wine. If they are like me they have a close enough relationship with their child that they can discuss the dangers of drinking and driving and threaten them with cancelling their cell phone text plans and permanently assigning them to public transportation if they so much as touch their car keys after having a drink. And the drink itself? I’ve already talked to my 3 1/2 year old about how drinking is only for adults and if she ever has a drink before she’s 21 years old she will be grounded until she’s married.

Because folks, it’s humor. It is how some manage the craziness of being a parent. Some learn how to knit apple cozy’s (what the hell are those for anyways?), other’s take up a hobby like playing the harp or other equally annoying instrument like say, the recorder, that will run their kids out of the house so they can get a moments peace. And perhaps use the bathroom. Alone. 

And I’m not the only one pissed off. Go over to When Crazy Meets Exhaustion because she has a few words for Ms. Weldon.

But, says Michelle Weldon, she is not playing the blame game. She is not judging moms.

Oh. Okay. Sorry if I misunderstood you when you said “kids deserve better from moms”.

I do not lock my kids in closets, though I’ve joked about how I’d like to when 3M has come into my room for the 10th time in a night with yet another reason why she can’t go to sleep.

I have never dropped my kid off at the boardwalk for them to find a new mommy when they told me I was a bad mommy. Though I joked about it.

I have never put my child in harms way; I will never tell my child I don’t love them; I will never tell them they are bad or unworthy. I whisper in their ear at night and will yell it from the highest mountain top (okay, sounding kind of Sound of Music-y here) that they are beautiful, wonderful and deserving of all the best things in life and I will do my damnedest to make sure they are always safe and well cared for.

But I will talk about how I’d like to send them off with an instructional booklet for a weekend so I can hang out on my patio and drink wine.

Have a great crazy day!

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