So, yesterday I was going to a Derby Party at a friends house and I had my outfit all picked out. No, I didn’t have any fancy hat or shi-shi dress for the occasion, but I had a cute outfit picked out. I was going to look good with my kids in tow. You know, the hot mom.
I had to try on 10 PAIRS OF PANTS!!!
I don’t know what has happened! Well, I do know what’s happened, I gained weight because I stopped nursing and didn’t stop eating the 500 extra calories a day.
But I swear like half of these pants fit just the other day!
I waited a year and a half before I started exercising after Sweets was born and I told myself I was hitting weight watchers as soon as this one popped out. So I’ve been exercising and eating right (e.g. not finishing Sweets’ dinner and then eating mine)- and even drinking detox water ALL. DAY.
But when you haven’t had beer in over a year and you’re used to having ice cream every night before bed, well, plans get screwed up.
And really, the pants makers are NOT. HELPING.
One pair I own is a size 4, it fits and is even somewhat loose (okay, do not get all “omg she is complaining and she is a SIZE 4! Keep reading).
Then the next pair is a size 10 and I can’t get them over my thighs.
2 pairs of size 6’s fit perfect (okay, read perfect as “I only have to suck in a LITTLE bit and it doesn’t cut my circulation off when I sit down) and the other 3 create something that can’t even be considered a muffin top. It’s like a muffin top that has eaten a couple other muffin tops.
What. The. Hell.
It doesn’t help that 2 people have asked me if I was pregnant in the last 2 days. Seriously, do they not know anything? Well, they were both guys. Question answered.
Back to the pants making people.
Get together and figure your shit out. One persons size 4 should be everyone’s size 4. Don’t make me feel all, “Yay, I am pre-pre-pre-pre-pregnancy weight!” and then when I got to buy more size 4’s in a different brand I am all, “I am my 8 months pregnant weight!”.
Do you pants makers not know that women HATE trying on pants? So we find a size that fits and then order all our shit online? And when we get them in the mail and are all, “Yay! I didn’t need to go try on pants in a dressing room!” until we try them on and realize, “shit, they don’t fit and they are going to sit in my closet until I lose weight because I am too damn lazy to slap that return receipt on a box”.
So pants people, you are on my list. Be warned.
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