It’s So Nice and Quiet in Here; The Kids Must Be Breaking Something.

Some say “Silence is Golden”.

I say, “Silence is Trouble with a Captial T and Whaterver That Silence is Hiding Will Probaby Cost Me A Lot Of Money to Fix.”

All moms and dads of young kids YEARN for peace and quiet. For me, if it’s not listening to 3M talking in circles, it’s SJ letting out intermittent yells of disapproval for being left alone in the bouncy chair in the other room AGAIN. When 3M isn’t constantly pulling on my shirt saying “Mommy watch me! Watch me! Did you see that! I need to TELL you something!”, it’s SJ screeching in disapproval that I’ve not given her bottle quick enough. There are toys that make noise, toys with 1,000’s of pieces that when dumped out all over the floor make noise, and the screaming that accompany’s the kids when they are not sharing the toys.

My household is not silent. I have a headache each evening that is only soothed by a large Cupcake (of the wine variety) and a good dose of Chicago Fire (Um, a show about fire fighters, hello?).

However, when all is quiet, that is when you should be worried. Some kind of shit is probably going down, and it’s going to cost you either money, time, or your sanity.

Because when kids are quiet it’s because they are doing something they are NOT supposed to be doing. Whenever your kids are playing and having fun, they are doing so in a LOUD kind of way. When they are doing something they know is off limits, or perhaps would not be met with approval by the parental units, they whisper and shush and hide and close doors.

Oh, this has happened to me so many times, you’d think I’d learn by now. Especially since I had a warning several years ago when this happened to me the first time. Or I should say this happened to my FRIEND….I just happened to be in charge of her children at the time.

Let’s back up to BM (Before Marriage) and BC (Before Children).

Said friend, who shall remain nameless,  took me on vacation with her to the Outer Banks with her and her family. The purpose was to babysit her 2 kids one of the nights while her and her hubby went out on date night. Let me add that this was a “punishment” for continuing to answer a boys phone calls well past what she considered a “healthy limit”. So in all her behavior specialist wisdom, she said the next time I answered his call I had to go with her to the Outer Banks and stay with her in a 5 bedroom house on the beach with a hot tub on the deck and watch her kids one night (out of 3). I soon called said boy and said, “hey, favor, could you just call me right back?”.

Done.

SO. My one responsibility is to watch my friend’s darling kids while they were out one night to dinner. Easy enough. Veruca and The Crumber were downstairs in their room on the night in question as my friend and I and her husband were finishing up a couple Margarita’s before they head out. On their way out, they said good night to the kids, and I was busy washing the dishes upstairs (For those of you that are thinking, “Good gosh she had margarita’s before babysitting?”, #1- the parents gave them to me and #2- in that phase of my life 2 margaritas were the equivalent of an eyedropper full of medicine for a sick elephant).

It was quiet. But I was not yet a mom. I didn’t know that was a VERY BAD SIGN. I was naive  babysitter that had just finished a couple of Margarita’s and was about to sit on the couch and enjoy a little celebrity trash magazine reading. So nice.

Until.

The Crumber comes up and has a toy jet that he places on the table and says, “This jet is in TIME OUT.” As I mentioned, my friend is a behavior specialist, so the kids are familiar with the language. They like to tell her to stop “experting” them when she uses her behavior modification techniques on them.

“Oh. Okay. How come?”

“It crumbed stuff up.”

For those of you that don’t know, “crumbing stuff up” meant something had been broken, messed up,dirtied, or otherwise left in a less than desireable state.

Uh-oh.

I went down to the kids’ room and OH MY GOD. There were black marks ALL OVER the white bedroom walls.

I turned to The Crumber and said; “What in the world happened!?”

The Crumber said, “The jet did it. It was angry.” The jet had black wheels on it, and apparently “the jet” got angry enough to redocorate the room in a nice avante garde design.

And Veruca had gotten into the action by taking her black My Little Pony and making a similar modern art design of her own on the other bedroom wall.

So we go upstairs and I simply say; “Your mom is not going to be very happy about this.”  That’s right. Their mom was going to come home and expert the crap out of them. There were some very unhappy faces.

When my friend arrived back home and I showed her the damage, which resulted in her needing to actually REPAINT the entire room, she then said to me, “well, when we were leaving he did say he was going to crumb stuff up.”

Oh. And did I get that warning? A little, “hey, The Crumber is probably going to wreck the joint while we’re out. Keep an eye out but don’t call us unless he actually lights the place on fire” would have helped. Nope, just ran out the door and left me unawares and now blame my unresponsible margarita drinking self for the whole mess. Kidding. We just sat and had more margaritas.

It’s Hump Day! Click on the link for more great posts!

A Mother Life

Have a great crazy day!

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6 thoughts on “It’s So Nice and Quiet in Here; The Kids Must Be Breaking Something.

  1. Well, in defense of the nameless behavior specialist/mom, I did NOT know what “crumb it up” meant (just yet). Ok, maybe a few chills crept down my spine when our little angel announced that he was going to “crumb something up” after learning of our plans. But we had the chance to escape for a night….at the beach…real food instead of left over, half-eaten chicken nuggets….cocktails…and quiet. And I’d seen you straighten out many a wayward soul. So I patted myself on the back for an excellent job prepping the kids, tucked the comment away in the furthest recesses of my mind and we were outta there! Yes, we had to repaint a bedroom in a rental beach house but it was so worth it. If for no other reason than to see the expression on your face when we walked in the door 

    • Well Ms. Nameless Behavior Specialist, I will babysit any time, as long as there is a hot tub, margarita’s and can of paint available.

  2. Pingback: Long Weekend/Snow Days in Review: Or How Mommy Tried to Keep From Going Insane | My Special Kind of Crazy

  3. LOL, when I was a little girl, my mother used to always say “It’s getting too quiet back there (meaning the back of the car), someone must be getting into trouble!” and she was usually right. Funny post!

  4. That’s a very good lesson to learn before you have your own kids. And that was a sweet deal you got there–especially if you didn’t have to help paint the wall. 😉 Here from the Hook Up. Cheers!

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