5 Reasons Why Being Sick When You Have Kids Sucks

On the last day of school before Spring Break we get a call from 3M’s school. “Um, 3M’s eye is really red and gross. You need to come pick her up.” That was at 1pm.

Let me back up.

At 6am we noticed 3M’s eye was red. We both needed to work. We sent her to school and said, “let’s see how long it takes them to figure out she might have pink eye.”

Answer: 4 hours.

Yes, yes- we were those parents that day. Believe me, when my child is sick and pathetic and all she wants to do is sleep, I keep her home. But here she was, running around like the damn energizer bunny…the energizer bunny with the goop eye.

So fine, I pick her up, take her to the doctor where they very quickly say “yep, pink eye! Here’s your prescription!”. Super- an all too rare quick trip to the doctor! But just then….

3M picks her nose and oh so gracefully sticks the nose picking finger in her mouth. I just think, “ew”. The doc sees her and thinks:

“Um, why don’t we do a quick check for strep….”. BUSTED. Farewell all too rare quick doctors visit!

Of course she had strep and of course all our plans got turned upside down, which she was none too happy about because she felt fine.

You know who didn’t feel fine 3 days later?

Yeah, mommy. Mommy felt like she got run over by a truck. Being sick with kids sucks. Let me tell you why it sucks.

1. Couch time is no longer yours. See, since my illness came at Spring Break, 3M was home from school. So there was no laying about on the couch watching the Foodnetwork or Ellen DeGeneres or catching up on General Hospital and dreaming about Sonny Corinthos and being a mobsters mistress. Nope. In order to be able to sit and rest and not entertain 3M with innumerable games of Chutes and Ladders, I had to turn on Dora and Bubble Guppies and then stick in Cinderella for the umpteenth time. Boots is no Sonny, I’ll tell you that. And I was all scrunched up in a corner because 3M was all “you’re in my space, move your feet, that’s my pillow, you’re taking up too much room.” She’s treating the couch like her personal movie theater/jungle gym when I feel like it is my hospital bed/coffin. Not a match made in heaven.

2. The kids recognize your weakness. Usually a stern, “put that back” or a “don’t make me come over there” or starting to count to 3 will steer my angelic 3M from engaging in whatever illicit activity she had up her sleeve. But when you have the energy of a sloth, can’t see because your eyes are crusted shut, your voice is as menacing as a frog and you can’t be vertical for more than 5 seconds before the vertigo strikes and you are in danger of puking all ove the floor, kids take this time to go for it. Oh, you say I can’t have this lollipop or ten for breakfast? What are you going to do about it? And she is right. I am going to do nothing about it because if I move from the couch I am going to die.

3. Noise Sensitivity. When you are sick, noise- any of it- is like nails on a chalkboard. And kids, quite conveniently, have no volume control. And since you are talking all meak and quiet and croaky, they think you can’t hear them and they get even louder and are now screaming “CAN I HAVE ANOTHER LOLLIPOP WHILE I AM JUMPING ON THE COUCH PLEASE!!”

4. Poorly Timed Coughs and Sneezes. I am not one of those “quiet sneezers”. You know, the ones that when they sneeze make barely a sound and it’s all cute and you’re like “wow, did you really sneeze?” Nope. I am a deafening, wake the dead, stomp my feet, nearly throw my back out from the recoil type sneezer. And you know when this sneeze will typically take place? The moment I am putting SJ down for a nap or finally getting her down to bed…gently now, gentle, no jostling….that is when my “holy smokes I think the foundation of the house was just damaged!” sneeze occurs. Loud wail….pick SJ back up….more rocking….

5. My Husbands Good Intentions. He means well. He really does. He is a hands on to the max fab-u-lous daddy. Nothing is a chore for him when it comes to his kids and he will take over without blinking. But it’s one thing for the husband to be in charge when you’re not there. You come home to a house that isn’t burnt to the ground, kids in one piece, fed/clothed (well….) and in bed. When you ARE there, you are witnessing firsthand how he manages and it is NOTHING like how you discussed as a couple on how you would do things. Where’s the fruit 3M is supposed to have for breakfast? How many episodes of Bubble Guppies are you letting her watch? What is she having for snack? As much as I am FINE with leaving him in charge, when I am there, I just really need him to do things my way. And you also can’t help but overhear questions like, “where did mommy put this?”, “what does Mommy do when…?” and in your head you are thinking, “I know exactly where “that” is” and “that is not what I do when…” until I am up directing him and thinking good lord why doesn’t he just go up to bed and let me take care of it!

What do YOU hate about being sick with kids? Aside from the obvious not wanting to be sick….

Have a great crazy day!

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