Toddlers, babies and dogs are not tidy. Toddlers leave a trail of toys, shoes, snacks and dirt; babies soil anything you put them down on; dogs spew drool and shed on every possible surface of your home. And I have a husband who thinks that if the floors are swept the house is clean. So no, my house is not clean.
I organize, pick up, tidy up- but I am resigned to the face that my house will never REALLY be clean again. I won’t ever walk in an smell that fresh flowers and sea breeze smell of a clean house. I will smell pet dander, stale cheerio’s and rancid milk. That may just be leftover from the spit up on my shirt from this morning though, who knows.
There are definitely certain factors that play into my house not ever being clean. Let’s count the ways in which my house gets dirty.
10. Dust. I have asthma, so I can’t dust. This is, in fact, only partially true. I DO have asthma, in the mildest of forms. But it has absolutely no effect on my ability to dust- though who wants to do that? It was great at getting me out of dusting when I lived at home, had roommates. But now since I have a husband that only sweeps the floors, we have dust piled inches high on most other surfaces.
9. No mud room. Yep, our mudroom is called the living room.
8. Nonexistent storage space. So in an attempt to keep things in order we trek to Ikea every once in a while to get nice looking shelves, bins, baskets and cabinets to house all our stuff that ends up on the floor and piled in corners. So now our house looks like an Ikea warehouse with stuff piled on top of it.
7. Books. I am a book hoarder. I went to Ikea (hahaha) to get a bigger bookshelf so my books actually fit instead of spilling out onto the floor in front of the bookshelf. Well, now I have a bigger bookshelf with books spilling out onto the floor. What I really need is a shrink to tell me why I hoard books. And why I….
6. …hoard kitchen appliances. I love to cook and I love kitchen utensils and appliances. Every once in a while I rearrange the kitchen to make more counterspace and then I go and get a new kitchen toy. My kitchen looks like a display counter at Crate and Barrell. Okay, a messy C&B counter.
5. Stuffed Animals. I do think, like bunnies, they reproduce at ridiculous speed when we are all sleeping.
4. Toys. Especially toys with small pieces. My sister in law got my then 6 month old daughter a puzzle with what seemed like a bazillion different pieces. The only explanation for this is that she doesn’t like me much.
3. Food. Unless we stop feeding the littles, we are going to have a slimey kitchen floor unless I try spoon feeding them and and keep them drinking out of a sippy cup until they are 18.
2. We have a couch. With coushins. AKA “throw rugs”.
1. Glitter. OMG the glitter! Who thought it was a good idea to make microscopic pieces of pink and purple sparkles and market it to toddlers? My house will sparkle for centuries….and not in the clean way.
Have a great crazy day!
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